you traded sex for a burrito?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
