I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
