I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
