My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
