you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
