I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
