someone get that fucking seahorse.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
