So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
