"it" just moved
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
