I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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