Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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