end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
