I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
