the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
