it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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