Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
