Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
