Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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