There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
