I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
