and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
