The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
