Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
