im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
