Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
