I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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