I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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