1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize