Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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