So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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