I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
