hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
