I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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