Can Purell be used as lube?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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