i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
