worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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