I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
