mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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