Pants 0. Shit 1.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
