alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
