This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
