I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
