In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
