Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
