Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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