Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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