I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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