I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
