It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize