She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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