I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
