So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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