just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
