i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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