i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
