look no pants
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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