so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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