so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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