Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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