I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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