He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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