Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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