just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
