my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
