Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
