If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
