I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
