dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
they need to just BURY HIM!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize