Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
