were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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