We named our party play list daddy issues
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
