i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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