I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
