i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
PANTIES FOUND
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
