Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
