my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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