I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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