How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
