Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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