How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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