I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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