I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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