I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
