Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
