Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
