Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
