Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
