You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found puke in my bra..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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