It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
