actually, I'm a sock model
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
