I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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