This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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