you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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