Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
