her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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