make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
