the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
