I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
