I wish I could punch you in the face.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
