Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
