WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize