I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
