I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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