1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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