Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
