She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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