the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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