Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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