No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize